Balancing time

Half-term started at lunchtime today (lasts until Monday teatime), and so this is a good opportunity to stop and reflect on the last 5 weeks.

The biggest challenge over this time has been getting the balance right with regards to use of time. It is so important to get this right now - not only for personal well-being, but also for the well-being of Clare & Nathan, and, in the future, to model an appropriate way of 'being' in a Christian community. So I have deliberately been keeping evenings completely work-free, in order to both have some quality family time, and also to give Clare some help, as she is, of course, looking after Nathan all day! (Although this is one of the great things about being in a community, as she is able to come to college for lunch every day, so we see each other for an hour then).

I know there will be some who disagree, but I believe the calling to be ordained is different from, not more important than, the call to be a husband and father. It's something which has concerned me in the past, as a Church Army officer - seeing some Christians (not just clergy) spending far more time engaged in 'churchy' activities than with their families.

This, to me, is simply wrong. I believe God has, for want of a better expression, a 'holistic approach' when he calls individuals. By that I mean that he calls the whole person, which includes everything about them, such as family, interests, previous experiences and so on. This doesn't mean that we stay as we are - more often than not there is transformation, renewal, growth and more. And there will be aspects of our lives that we are called to leave behind. But we remain, intrinsically, the person we were when "God formed us in the womb".

And so to the importance of getting the balance right. Or, more accurately, of not compartmentalising our essential personhood into different categories, but rather allowing our faith and our calling to permeate every aspect of our lives. If Christ is at the heart of our lives, we will find him at the heart of our relationships with others, at the heart of our work, at the heart of our leisure activities. And then the question of balance becomes a moot point, as the God who is interested in every aspect of our lives will prompt us whenever we start paying too much attention to any one at the expense of others.

Becoming a father

Nathan Routledge

The above little miracle arrived nearly a week ago, and, whilst we knew very well that it would be life-changing, there's a difference between knowing it and experiencing it! All of a sudden, mine and Clare's lives revolve around the newest member of the family. It is very tiring(!) but we wouldn't have it any other way!

The hospital experience was long. Clare went in to be induced last Sunday, but we spent all day Monday waiting for a bed to become free in the Delivery Suite...it never came. So things didn't start properly until Tuesday. I have never been as proud of Clare as I was during the 14 hours of labour she went through - you'd never have thought it was her first baby, so calm and collected she was. This is her within half an hour of the birth:

So Nathan John Roger has entered our lives! His middle names are in honour of his two grandfathers; whilst Nathan has been his chosen name for a long time! It's a name which Clare chose, and I am very happy with - and has the wonderful meaning, "gift from God". After the epic journey it has taken us to get here, I cannot think of a more appropriate name - he truly is a gift as well as a miracle.

Church Army news

Some big news from this term is that I have written to Church Army to resign my commission as a CA Evangelist.

This is a decision that has taken much thought and prayer in reaching. The seeds were sown in the first week of training here at Cuddesdon, when I distinctly felt God challenge me over the fact that I had basically not put any thought into the matter whatsoever. (That was because there is no requirement to resign until ordination itself, which, of course, was 2 years away at that stage).

I therefore spent a lot of time reflecting on that, as well as speaking with my spiritual director, another CA person here at college, and one or two other people, before reaching my decision.

There were a number of reasons why I came to the decision to resign, the most important of which is to do with my formation as an ordained priest. I felt that, the longer I remained a commissioned CA Officer, the more it was getting in the way of my formation as a priest. God, after all, is calling me away from licensed lay ministry into ordained ministry.

This is not a case of one being better than the other, simply of there being a distinct difference. I am also not going to stop being an evangelist! Again, it is a calling to something different, of which evangelism is a part. The 12 years with Church Army have been immensely valuable, both in terms of God preparing me for this stage of my life, and, I hope, in being of some use during that time to others!

It was a very strange feeling both writing the letter, and then posting it. There was most definitely a sense of sorrow, but also a sense of release, if that makes sense, in that I am no longer holding onto something which God is calling me to let go of.

Making this decision has given me this period of Lent to reflect upon it and let go, with the promise of Easter and 'new birth' to look forward to!

The still small voice...

Induction has continued at a fast pace this week, with very little time to stop and draw breath. There have been lots more "introductions", and I have my first work to do in preparation for a New Testament seminar next Monday.

The essay title is: "Analyse the different ways in which Paul presents himself as a model in 1 Corinthians" - we don't have to do the essay this week, but we will for every subsequent week. With the lectures, placements and various community activities going on, balancing time is going to be very important!

In the midst of all this new information, however, we had a session with the principal that was much more of a "stop and take stock" time. And this is where I heard the still small voice of God.

As I've said, I've been hyped-up and excited about term finally starting, and wasn't feeling any fears or concerns that some of my peers have. But, after Martyn gave us a little reflection on the story of Jonah, he gave us space to go and be - whatever, wherever - and to come back if we wanted. During that space, I've felt God challenge me about a particular "letting go" that he may want me to do. I'm not certain yet, and I don't want to write any more about it this moment, but I have some serious reflection to do on this topic, so will no doubt be back with more news at a later date!