Leavers' Service

That's it. My time at Ripon College Cuddesdon is over. (Notice I don't say that my training is finished - there's still a lot more of that to come, both during my curacy and afterwards).

We finished our time here with the Leavers' Service this morning. It was a good way to end, with the whole community coming together to celebrate the Eucharist. At the end of the service, those of us who will be ordained later this year went forward to have our deacon's stoles blessed, and then our families joined us to be blessed together. It was very important to me to have Clare & Nathan there at the end, as my ordination will have a profound effect on their lives as well.

After that, there were lots of goodbyes, although we'll still see a few people as we are not moving until Wednesday next week. The good thing is that there are a few ordinations we will be going to next week, so friends will be seen again very soon! The challenge is to make sure those friendships are maintained past the summer.

I will post again before we move with a few reflections on my time here at Cuddesdon, so look out for that one!

Retreats

Today we had our Leavers' Retreat - a day at Highmoor Hall, led by the college chaplain, Raymond. He gave us some thought-provoking insights on baggage (what we need to leave behind), luggage (what we will be taking with us) and buggage - the recognition that there are some things we would like to leave behind but for whatever reason can't quite do so, at least not completely, not yet.

In addition, I did a fair bit of reading, walking, and (unusually for me in the daytime) napping. We then ended with Raymond anointing each of us with the oil of joy and gladness, which was a lovely way to finish, and prepare us for the Leavers' Service tomorrow morning.

I will blog about that and how I feel to be leaving later. But what I really want to pick out from today is the importance of retreats. It is shameful to admit that I did not have one retreat in my time as a Church Army Officer (9 years) - which is shocking, really. I will have a pre-ordination retreat in September, but I am determined to make the time for one retreat a year post-ordination. It is so important to take proper time out with God, and to do so away from the parish. Ask me in a year's time if I have managed it!

Leavers' Course

The Leavers' Course started today, and suddenly it's starting to hit me that we finish in less than 3 weeks! I've always known this, but with things like exams and Themed Study Weeks to think about, it's been something that's there but not totally on the radar. But now there's nothing else to focus on!

There's lots of different things happening. We will have some spiritual and theological input, as well as practical things like Child Protection (not that I've done any of that before!) and Canon Law. Today we began by thinking about 'desert island theology' - basically what might sustain us during curacy. One thing we were asked to do was to think of three books that we would have on a desert island; my three were:

Love's Endeavour, Love's Expense (Vanstone) - a remarkable book about God and authentic love
Restoring the Woven Chord (Mitton) - a book about Celtic spirituality
The Lord of the Rings (Tolkien) - my all-time favourite novel!

Martyn (the principal) gave us a long list of books which sustain him - I have read a grand total of one of them! But that does mean I have a lot of suggestions of things to read in the future!

Community Mission

We are currently in the middle of the latest Themed Study Week, this being one of the weeks where we get to choose out of a number of options.

I am doing a week on 'Community Mission', a fascinating topic which has already raised a number of questions for me, arising out of the experiences and stories of those who are facilitating the sessions.

The thing which is really becoming central for me is to reflect upon what my calling to be a priest is in this context. There are a number of factors that have caused this:

1. We were asked to do an exercise in which we write what we would like to see in our own obituary. The first question to help us reflect on this was, "What has been achieved?" I really struggled with this because I just don't think in terms of 'achievement'. My aim is basically to 'act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God'; if I can do this, and in some small ways contribute to the human flourishing which is God's intention for all his people, then I will be happy. 
2. One visitor was very honest with us about an experience he had with a parishioner, in which he was so focused on bringing about transformation within the local community that the parishioner voiced how she felt pastorally neglected. Having done a Long Essay on liberation theology recently, I am very enthusiastic about tackling structural sin, but at the expense of neglecting the pastoral needs of individuals? There's a balance there which is fine and full of tension.
3. Today, the question was asked about what a parish priest is called to be: chaplain to the congregation or to the community? On paper, the answer is simple: 'the cure of souls' is for the whole parish, not just the congregation. But when the congregation have the expectation (be it explicit or implicit) that the priest is there primarily for them, then how does one handle that?

Lots to reflect on, therefore! Tomorrow we will be visiting a project in Reading, to see for ourselves an example of 'community mission in action'. Then on Friday we will reflect on the whole week together. Should be interesting!

Pastoral Ethics

Yesterday and today I sat my two papers for the ethics exam; having completed them, I have officially done everything I need to do before I leave college! I still need to do 3 modules in order to complete the BTh, but those do not have to be done before ordination.

The exam yesterday was a mix of ethical theory and application - we had to write three essays, at least one from theory and one applied. I wrote on natural law, capital punishment and homosexuality.

Interesting as those topics were, today's was both more relevant and a lot harder! Today was the Pastoral Ethics paper, in which we were given a fictional case study (from parish life), and had to both identify the ethical issues at play, and state how we would respond to the parishioner. Without going into the details of the case study, it highlights how we can talk and talk about what the ethical response might be in an ideal world, but we willl be pastoring to real people in hurting situations, where the answer will always be more complicated than the ideal. It is helpful to have theories and ideals and theology in our 'resource boxes'...but, as has been said more than once in my time here, people in the parish won't care how much I know until they know how much I care.

Essays finished!

Today I finished the last of my essays, and so all four are bound and ready to be handed in tomorrow. The plan now is to have a break over the weekend (to have some quality family time) and then hit the revision for the ethics exam on Monday.

The end is most definitely in sight!

Easter at college

We've had a very full few days at college, experiencing the 'Triduum' together as a community (this is the 'technical term' for the days from Maundy Thursday to Easter Sunday).

I have been a part of the choir for this experience, and have absolutely loved it! It makes me wonder why on earth I haven't sung in choirs before - it's been great singing psalms, anthems and Taize chants with others. Some of them have been sung in unison, but the best part (for me) has been learning how to sing the Tenor part whilst others are singing the Soprano, Alto or Bass parts.

That said, the most moving song was the final piece on Maundy Thursday, when we sang Psalm 22 (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?) We sang the verses, whilst the congregation joined in with the above refrain throughout. It was a haunting experience, and I felt myself empathising (as much as is possible) with what Jesus must have experienced in that desolation upon the cross, abandoned by all, including his Father. If there's one thing we can be sure of, it is that God will never abandon us - the Easter story tells us that.

Christ is risen! Alleluia!