Captain's (B)log

Cenobite's Community - version 2!

2011-08-11T20:30:00.002+01:00

OK, the new blog is re-created! You can find it here:

Cenobite's Community

Blog Malfunction!

2011-08-11T19:18:00.000+01:00

lol, well, the new blog didn't last too long!

My account has been terminated because, apparently, I either "had too many tags" (6) or "posted too many links" (2). Hmmm.

So I won't be using that site again! I changed from here because the other one seemed to be a lot more visually appealing, but I never had that problem here! So I am coming back!

Cenobite's Community will return later today - as soon as it is created, I will post the link here. Unfortunately, when they deleted my account, they obviously deleted the blog too, so I am going to have to try and remember everything I put in my first post - that may take a while!

Thanks for your patience :)

Goodbye Captain, hello Cenobite!

2011-08-10T22:25:00.000+01:00

Many thanks to those who have followed this blog faithfully over the last 2 years. As my ordination is now exactly a month away, it is time to close this one down.

The blogging will continue, however (and hopefully a lot more regularly!) over at Cenobite's Community. Do hope to see you there!

Blessings,
Chris

Leavers' Service

2011-06-10T20:57:00.000+01:00

That's it. My time at Ripon College Cuddesdon is over. (Notice I don't say that my training is finished - there's still a lot more of that to come, both during my curacy and afterwards).

We finished our time here with the Leavers' Service this morning. It was a good way to end, with the whole community coming together to celebrate the Eucharist. At the end of the service, those of us who will be ordained later this year went forward to have our deacon's stoles blessed, and then our families joined us to be blessed together. It was very important to me to have Clare & Nathan there at the end, as my ordination will have a profound effect on their lives as well.

After that, there were lots of goodbyes, although we'll still see a few people as we are not moving until Wednesday next week. The good thing is that there are a few ordinations we will be going to next week, so friends will be seen again very soon! The challenge is to make sure those friendships are maintained past the summer.

I will post again before we move with a few reflections on my time here at Cuddesdon, so look out for that one!

Retreats

2011-06-09T18:53:00.000+01:00

Today we had our Leavers' Retreat - a day at Highmoor Hall, led by the college chaplain, Raymond. He gave us some thought-provoking insights on baggage (what we need to leave behind), luggage (what we will be taking with us) and buggage - the recognition that there are some things we would like to leave behind but for whatever reason can't quite do so, at least not completely, not yet.

In addition, I did a fair bit of reading, walking, and (unusually for me in the daytime) napping. We then ended with Raymond anointing each of us with the oil of joy and gladness, which was a lovely way to finish, and prepare us for the Leavers' Service tomorrow morning.

I will blog about that and how I feel to be leaving later. But what I really want to pick out from today is the importance of retreats. It is shameful to admit that I did not have one retreat in my time as a Church Army Officer (9 years) - which is shocking, really. I will have a pre-ordination retreat in September, but I am determined to make the time for one retreat a year post-ordination. It is so important to take proper time out with God, and to do so away from the parish. Ask me in a year's time if I have managed it!

Leavers' Course

2011-05-23T21:39:00.000+01:00

The Leavers' Course started today, and suddenly it's starting to hit me that we finish in less than 3 weeks! I've always known this, but with things like exams and Themed Study Weeks to think about, it's been something that's there but not totally on the radar. But now there's nothing else to focus on!

There's lots of different things happening. We will have some spiritual and theological input, as well as practical things like Child Protection (not that I've done any of that before!) and Canon Law. Today we began by thinking about 'desert island theology' - basically what might sustain us during curacy. One thing we were asked to do was to think of three books that we would have on a desert island; my three were:

Love's Endeavour, Love's Expense (Vanstone) - a remarkable book about God and authentic love
Restoring the Woven Chord (Mitton) - a book about Celtic spirituality
The Lord of the Rings (Tolkien) - my all-time favourite novel!

Martyn (the principal) gave us a long list of books which sustain him - I have read a grand total of one of them! But that does mean I have a lot of suggestions of things to read in the future!

Community Mission

2011-05-18T17:17:00.000+01:00

We are currently in the middle of the latest Themed Study Week, this being one of the weeks where we get to choose out of a number of options.

I am doing a week on 'Community Mission', a fascinating topic which has already raised a number of questions for me, arising out of the experiences and stories of those who are facilitating the sessions.

The thing which is really becoming central for me is to reflect upon what my calling to be a priest is in this context. There are a number of factors that have caused this:

We were asked to do an exercise in which we write what we would like to see in our own obituary. The first question to help us reflect on this was, "What has been achieved?" I really struggled with this because I just don't think in terms of 'achievement'. My aim is basically to 'act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God'; if I can do this, and in some small ways contribute to the human flourishing which is God's intention for all his people, then I will be happy.
One visitor was very honest with us about an experience he had with a parishioner, in which he was so focused on bringing about transformation within the local community that the parishioner voiced how she felt pastorally neglected. Having done a Long Essay on liberation theology recently, I am very enthusiastic about tackling structural sin, but at the expense of neglecting the pastoral needs of individuals? There's a balance there which is fine and full of tension.
Today, the question was asked about what a parish priest is called to be: chaplain to the congregation or to the community? On paper, the answer is simple: 'the cure of souls' is for the whole parish, not just the congregation. But when the congregation have the expectation (be it explicit or implicit) that the priest is there primarily for them, then how does one handle that?

Lots to reflect on, therefore! Tomorrow we will be visiting a project in Reading, to see for ourselves an example of 'community mission in action'. Then on Friday we will reflect on the whole week together. Should be interesting!

Pastoral Ethics

2011-05-13T21:44:00.000+01:00

Yesterday and today I sat my two papers for the ethics exam; having completed them, I have officially done everything I need to do before I leave college! I still need to do 3 modules in order to complete the BTh, but those do not have to be done before ordination.

The exam yesterday was a mix of ethical theory and application - we had to write three essays, at least one from theory and one applied. I wrote on natural law, capital punishment and homosexuality.

Interesting as those topics were, today's was both more relevant and a lot harder! Today was the Pastoral Ethics paper, in which we were given a fictional case study (from parish life), and had to both identify the ethical issues at play, and state how we would respond to the parishioner. Without going into the details of the case study, it highlights how we can talk and talk about what the ethical response might be in an ideal world, but we willl be pastoring to real people in hurting situations, where the answer will always be more complicated than the ideal. It is helpful to have theories and ideals and theology in our 'resource boxes'...but, as has been said more than once in my time here, people in the parish won't care how much I know until they know how much I care.

Essays finished!

2011-04-28T20:56:00.000+01:00

Today I finished the last of my essays, and so all four are bound and ready to be handed in tomorrow. The plan now is to have a break over the weekend (to have some quality family time) and then hit the revision for the ethics exam on Monday.

The end is most definitely in sight!

Easter at college

2011-04-26T21:13:00.000+01:00

We've had a very full few days at college, experiencing the 'Triduum' together as a community (this is the 'technical term' for the days from Maundy Thursday to Easter Sunday).

I have been a part of the choir for this experience, and have absolutely loved it! It makes me wonder why on earth I haven't sung in choirs before - it's been great singing psalms, anthems and Taize chants with others. Some of them have been sung in unison, but the best part (for me) has been learning how to sing the Tenor part whilst others are singing the Soprano, Alto or Bass parts.

That said, the most moving song was the final piece on Maundy Thursday, when we sang Psalm 22 (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?) We sang the verses, whilst the congregation joined in with the above refrain throughout. It was a haunting experience, and I felt myself empathising (as much as is possible) with what Jesus must have experienced in that desolation upon the cross, abandoned by all, including his Father. If there's one thing we can be sure of, it is that God will never abandon us - the Easter story tells us that.

Christ is risen! Alleluia!

Nathan update

2011-04-26T21:05:00.000+01:00

A good friend has (rightly) chided me for the lack of photos of our son on this blog! So here's a few of the more recent ones:

Nathan's Baptism (January 23rd)

With godparents Richard & Emma, plus Rebekah & Christopher

Fun in the doughnut! (5 months old)

With Mummy, 6 months old

In the last week, our Nathan has really developed a taste for food! He loves putting all sorts of different things in his mouth - not a lot is being actually eaten yet, but some of it is! Mealtimes are very messy affairs right now, but it's totally worth it to see him having so much fun trying out these new tastes and textures!

Work nearly done!

2011-04-12T17:27:00.000+01:00

I finished writing my last Long Essay earlier today - this one was on what Liberation Theologians have to say about the Christian Doctrine of Sin. I discovered a lot of interesting things in the course of writing it, but perhaps the most interesting was what the feminist theologian Daphne Hampson had tosay.

She notes that most Protestant theology speaks of pride as the root of all sin, mainly due to humanity's desire to be autonomous - a desire which generally ends up in either ignoring God or trying to put oneself in the place of God. But for women, pride is actually an inadequate way of looking at sin.

This is because pretty much the whole of history has been patriarchal, in that society has been structured by men in the interests of keeping men in positions of power. Women, in contrast, have been oppressed - and still are (one only has to look at the continuing resistance by some to women in the episcopate to see the evidence of that). As such, defining sin in terms of pride for women is tantamount to asking them to continue self-abasement and self-sacrifice - something which is appropriate to those in power (men), but actually perpetuates the oppression of women.

What, then, is an appropriate way to view sin for women? The argument is that sin is basically colluding with this oppression by accepting the domination of men. Rather, women should look for salvation through becoming 'more grounded' in themselves, thereby attaining the status intended for them by their Creator. There is an element of responsibility here - women are called to claim the power that has been denied them.

I find all this very interesting, particularly with regard to what it means in pastoral terms, for me as a future leader in the Church. One implication is to consider how I, as an ordained priest, will be able to participate in the empowerment of the oppressed (which, obviously, includes other sections of society besides women). It is difficult for me in that, as a middle-class, Caucasian male, I am basically in the group of 'oppressors' whichever oppressed group is being considered (women, ethnic groups, the economically poor, etc). If any readers of the blog can speak from the perspective of one of these oppressed groups, I would be delighted to hear your thoughts!

In the meantime, my academic work is almost done! I need to do some tweaking to all four long essays, but the vast majority is done, which means I can look forward to Holy Week!

One term to go!

2011-03-28T21:39:00.000+01:00

5 terms through my training, only one to go now! These last few weeks have been a time of transition, as one-by-one, I have passed on various roles I have had in college life to others. I have organised my last election, calculated my last bar bill, and prepared my last Kids' Church session. If it weren't for the essays still to finish, I wouldn't know what to do with myself!

That's not strictly true, of course! Although it's quite a lot of pressure, I am sort of pleased that the essay deadline is at the start of next term (May 2nd), as it will leave the rest of the term to focus on the awesome prospect of ordination later in the year. I won't actually be ordained until September 10th, later than most of my colleagues here, but we will still be sharing the preparation time together.

In the meantime, however, these essays need to be done! We've had a week away, but now it's regular trips to the library. Ideally, I want them finished by Holy Week, which we experience together as a college community this year. As part of my goal to achieve 'competence and confidence' in liturgical signing this year, I have joined the choir for Holy Week, so am learning to sing in parts for the first time. It's very tricky singing the tenor line, when the tune I know is being sung by someone else!! But I am enjoying learning, and it will be a useful skill to have in the future, for sure.

Stole design

2011-03-03T22:20:00.000Z

As promised, here is the initial drawing of the design for my Deacon's Stole.

It is an amalgamation of a few different designs that the person in question - Michelle Gillam-Hull - had with her at the Tat Fair. It should be pretty self-explanatory: the Trinity symbol bottom left; a celtic cross bottom right; and the flames of Pentecost traversing the whole. I think it's distinctive, but not OTT, and am looking forward to seeing the finished article!

Another milestone

2011-03-01T20:58:00.000Z

I am just back from leading Choral Evensong at Exeter College Chapel!

It feels very good to have got to the stage where I can do this sort of thing at a competent level! I was rather nervous leading up to it, so it was good to be able to practice the responses with the choir beforehand (one reason why I was nervous - since they are all far better singers than I am!) After a couple of hiccups in rehearsal, I felt ready to go for it!

In the event, I noticed myself relaxing into it as the service went on. The chaplain said it was good, and a fellow ordinand who came along (much appreciated, Ant!) said that he noticed how my voice filled the space - which was very encouraging, as anyone who knows me knows that my voice is not the most commanding! Some of the choir afterwards were positive too!

I have signed up to be part of the college choir for Holy Week. There won't be any solo singing...but it will be a way for me to learn about singing the tenor's part in a choir.

Overall, I am really pleased that one of my goals for the year (confidence and competence in liturgical singing) is progressing nicely, thanks to God and several very supportive people.

Vestments

2011-02-15T17:06:00.000Z

Today we had the annual college 'Tat Fair' - a time when a number of vestment companies visit college to enable us to buy the robes and other things we will need when we are ordained. Being in my final year, it brought home to me how close I am to being ordained! (Even if Rochester does wait until September, a couple of months after most of my year will be ordained).

It was somewhat surreal trying on clerical shirts - with the collar inserted!

I have also finally decided on a design for my deacon stole (after having no idea what I wanted!) Rather than try and describe it, I will wait until the person making it sends me their 'artist's impression'...and then post it here!

"God made it grow"

2011-02-13T20:22:00.001Z

I had one of those glorious God-given moments today when you know you have made a difference in someone's life. The title of this blog post is to remind me that, of course, it was God working through me (and hopefully to keep me from becoming proud). I share the story to, I hope, encourage those of us who are involved in preaching and wonder if what we say ever gets through to anyone. The answer is an emphatic yes!

A couple of weeks ago, I preached at my placement (Exeter College) for the evening Eucharist for The Conversion of St. Paul. I won't rehash the sermon here, but to summarise it briefly, it was about how God transforms people; who can then transform the world. Paul was transformed after meeting Jesus; the meeting transformed his world view into one in which everyone is one in Christ Jesus; he then went on to transform the world in challenging the status quo, where it was not in accordance with that revelation. So he advocated for the inclusion of the Gentiles in the church, without having to adapt every aspect of the Jewish law; he also began a process of advocating the lack of any functional or ontological distinction between men and women in Christian marriage. Post in the comments if you would like more about this!

Anyway, this morning I was at Exeter again, and as usual went back to the chaplain's rooms for the post-Eucharist breakfast. There was an undergraduate there whom I hadn't met before, so I introduced myself. When he realised who I was, he told me that he had heard me preach at the Eucharist...and my sermon had been the clinching factor in him deciding that he wanted to be baptised and confirmed!

Those of us who preach regularly know that we rarely get this kind of feedback! It's a reminder that we never know who is going to be present in a congregation at any one time, or how what we say may speak to any individual. The important thing is to prepare the sermon prayerfully and deliver it in the same manner, trusting God to speak to people through what we say. It does happen!

Finally, I want to emphasise the above reference to 1 Corinthians - that it is God who has made this seed grow. Who planted it? I don't know. The college chaplain has obviously done a lot of watering. But God has made the seed grow, through many people, including my momentary part in preaching that sermon.

The undergraduate in question will be baptised and confirmed on my last Sunday at this placement - a perfect way to end it!

January update

2011-01-24T22:16:00.000Z

Thanks to a combination of BT, the Christmas break, and lots of work, it is disgracefully 2 months since I last blogged. Huge apologies, and so here is a whistlestop update.

Work

Over Christmas, I got most of my remaining supporting pieces done. One was for Mission & Ministry, on the issue of boundaries in ministry, and the other three were for Christian Worship - a book review of Paul Bradshaw's work on the Eucharist in the early church, an essay about how WWI affected funeral practice in the Church of England, and an essay on how modern theories of symbolism and ritual can affect our understanding of the sacraments. The latter was by far the hardest one to write, so it is perhaps reflective of the proportionate amount of work that I had to spend on it that I got the highest mark for it!

With the supporting work all but done (there are 3 small pieces still to do), this term is time to focus on my 4 Long Essays (7000 words each!) The aim is to get one done per month; the first is a piece on the thematic coherence of Psalms 42-49, and, with the reading nearly finished, I should be able to start writing it later this week. Ideally, I will be starting essay number 2 next week!

Placement

Still loving my time at Exeter College. Will be preaching at a Eucharist tomorrow night (for the Conversion of Saint Paul), and that has been quite a challenge, considering that the congregation will be mainly highly intelligent academics! I have tried to get a balance between having some interesting theological snippets for them to think about and having an appropriate gospel message. I asked a colleague (who knows what it is like in an Oxford College) to have a quick look this afternoon, and he was very affirming, so that was encouraging! We shall see how tomorrow evening goes!

Later this term I will be leading a Choral Evensong there...in front of a very good choir!

Christmas

Amidst the work, there was time to enjoy a bit of a rest over the holidays, with a week spent at both sets of grandparents. Clare & I even had a chance to go out, just the two of us, for a change! We also went to a Christingle at our old church in Biggin Hill, so lots of people got to meet Nathan there!

Family

Speaking of Nathan, he was baptised in the village church, by the college principal yesterday. It was an extremely moving ceremony, with a number of family and friends, and over half the college there! Will post more about this in a separate blog entry in a day or two.

Advent Sunday

2010-11-28T16:22:00.000Z

Today marks the beginning of the Advent season, and also the beginning of the new Church Year. This morning, Clare & Nathan came with me to the Eucharist at my placement, Exeter College, and I will be going back this evening for Choral Evensong, which I expect to be hugely impressive, as always!

One tradition we have in our household is to light an Advent candle. I don't mean one like we often see in churches - the Advent wreaths which have 4 or more candles to count down the Sundays, but one in which we light it for a certain amount of time each day, until it burns away to the appropriate number. It's a simple, yet effective way of preparing ourselves for the coming of Christ, and is a great way to have a short quiet time together every day.

This year, Advent will be especially meaningful for us. Not only does it lead up to Nathan's first Christmas (not that he will know much about it!), but it is also my last Advent before ordination. This time next year we will be preparing for Christmas in a new home and new parish. Exciting times ahead, but in the meantime, we still our hearts and prepare for the coming of our Lord.

Reflections on Job

2010-11-24T08:27:00.001Z

This week, I have been writing an essay with the title, "What solution, if any, does the book of Job give to the question of suffering".

It's an issue which has been around as long as humanity, and one which will never go away this side of the parousia (did you notice the technical word that slipped in there?!) There are many different interpretations of Job - some people say that the problem Job faced (and incidentally, he almost certainly wasn't a historical character, but a 'patriarchal hero' of a folktale, used by the author as the basis for the issue he wanted to explore) -the problem wasn't so much the suffering itself, dreadful as that was, but rather the apparent absence of God in the midst of it. That is why he called out so often to God to come and meet him, to give him an answer, because he needed the reassurance of God's presence in the midst of his devastation.

It has been especially poignant writing this essay now, as a couple of friends (who will obviously remain nameless) are going through some tough times at the moment, and I am left wondering how best to support them. Job's friends spent most of their time telling Job why he was suffering - and indeed, in ancient Israel, theodicy (the defence of God in the face of evil) was often seen as a solace to those in pain, enabling them to turn back to God and be restored. The problem in this case was that it wasn't what Job needed to hear at all.

In Job 13:5, he suggests, with some sarcasm, that the only wisdom his friends have is in their silence. There is great truth in that. What is often missed is that when the friends first arrived, they spent a week with Job sitting with him in his sorrow, without saying a word.

That suggests to me the answer to how I can support those who are struggling. Often, it is simply a case of sitting with someone in their sorrow that is the greatest help, lending a listening ear, without trying to offer solutions. Yes, there is a time to speak, and at such times we must trust God for the right words to say. But sit in silence first.

More academic results

2010-11-16T08:15:00.000Z

I've had my results back for the two Long Essays I wrote over the summer, so here they are:

For my essay on the Reformation, I got a 2:1, so very happy with that. But for my essay on The Role of the Ordained Christian in the Workplace, I got a first!! Lots of different feelings going on - gobsmacked being high on the list! As I've said before, the degree is not the main reason that I'm here, but there is nothing wrong with being pleased about this achievement.

As long as I don't let it go to my head...but considering that I'm really struggling to get my head around a course I'm in the middle of called Pastoral Psychology, I don't think there's much danger of that!

First smile!

2010-10-28T15:07:00.000+01:00

A bit blurred, sadly, but we had our first genuine smile (ie. not wind-related!) today. Here it is!

Nathan's first smile!

Balancing time

2010-10-28T14:28:00.000+01:00

Half-term started at lunchtime today (lasts until Monday teatime), and so this is a good opportunity to stop and reflect on the last 5 weeks.

The biggest challenge over this time has been getting the balance right with regards to use of time. It is so important to get this right now - not only for personal well-being, but also for the well-being of Clare & Nathan, and, in the future, to model an appropriate way of 'being' in a Christian community. So I have deliberately been keeping evenings completely work-free, in order to both have some quality family time, and also to give Clare some help, as she is, of course, looking after Nathan all day! (Although this is one of the great things about being in a community, as she is able to come to college for lunch every day, so we see each other for an hour then).

I know there will be some who disagree, but I believe the calling to be ordained is different from, not more important than, the call to be a husband and father. It's something which has concerned me in the past, as a Church Army officer - seeing some Christians (not just clergy) spending far more time engaged in 'churchy' activities than with their families.

This, to me, is simply wrong. I believe God has, for want of a better expression, a 'holistic approach' when he calls individuals. By that I mean that he calls the whole person, which includes everything about them, such as family, interests, previous experiences and so on. This doesn't mean that we stay as we are - more often than not there is transformation, renewal, growth and more. And there will be aspects of our lives that we are called to leave behind. But we remain, intrinsically, the person we were when "God formed us in the womb".

And so to the importance of getting the balance right. Or, more accurately, of not compartmentalising our essential personhood into different categories, but rather allowing our faith and our calling to permeate every aspect of our lives. If Christ is at the heart of our lives, we will find him at the heart of our relationships with others, at the heart of our work, at the heart of our leisure activities. And then the question of balance becomes a moot point, as the God who is interested in every aspect of our lives will prompt us whenever we start paying too much attention to any one at the expense of others.

Before the ending of the day

2010-10-26T16:01:00.000+01:00

So last night, I led Compline for the second time since arriving at college. For those wondering, yes I did sing it! This is one of my goals for this year: to become more confident and competent in singing the offices - to that end, I intend to lead Compline at other points during the year, and have signed up to an optional group that will look at singing the liturgy of the Eucharist after Christmas. I have no illusions about becoming an 'expert' singer, but if I can reach the stage where I am at least competent, then I will be happy.

From that point of view, last night went well, I think. Two people who were there commented positively, so that is a good sign! I naturally sing it a little slower than most people - I suspect that is something to do with breath control - but that isn't wrong, simply different.

Compline itself is a lovely service, and one that I sadly don't get to as much as I would like. To quote the Church of England, it is above all a service of quietness and reflection before rest at the end of the day. At Cuddesdon, it marks the beginning of the 'Greater Silence', after which no one speaks until breakfast the following day. As a peaceful way of rounding off the day, it is something which I find immensely valuable.

New year, new experiences

2010-10-19T19:46:00.000+01:00

We're into the 3rd week proper of the new year, so time for an update on what this year holds.

Academically, I have to complete 4 more modules this year, each of which is assessed by long essay (6-7000 words). The modules I am doing are:

Doctrine. The lectures are basically following the statements of the Creed, which in theory should be very interesting. Sadly, the two lectures we've had in Oxford so far have been singularly uninspiring. I know they are at undergraduate level, but it feels like they are pitched at 6th form level, if that. Fortunately, we have an excellent lecturer taking weekly seminars at college, so I think most of the learning will be happening there!
Old Testament. There was a choice between Old & New, and I decided to go for this one simply because I know less about it! The set texts are 2 Samuel, 2 Kings, Job, and 10 of the Psalms, and, as with last year, we have to write an essay on each one.
Christian Worship. This comes in 2 parts: Liturgy and the Sacraments - both very important for the future! For my long essay, I've decided to explore the use of vestments in worship - not something which everyone in the Church of England agrees about!
Mission & Ministry. This covers various aspects of mission & ministry, including pastoral care, and my long essay will be a detailed theological reflection based on the summer placement at Dorchester Abbey

My placement this year is at Exeter College, with the Chaplain. There are Sunday morning and evening services, as well as midweek evensongs and a Friday lunchtime discussion group. It is going to be very challenging being with lots of highly intelligent students and academics!

Becoming a father

2010-09-28T21:44:00.000+01:00

Nathan Routledge

The above little miracle arrived nearly a week ago, and, whilst we knew very well that it would be life-changing, there's a difference between knowing it and experiencing it! All of a sudden, mine and Clare's lives revolve around the newest member of the family. It is very tiring(!) but we wouldn't have it any other way!

The hospital experience was long. Clare went in to be induced last Sunday, but we spent all day Monday waiting for a bed to become free in the Delivery Suite...it never came. So things didn't start properly until Tuesday. I have never been as proud of Clare as I was during the 14 hours of labour she went through - you'd never have thought it was her first baby, so calm and collected she was. This is her within half an hour of the birth:

So Nathan John Roger has entered our lives! His middle names are in honour of his two grandfathers; whilst Nathan has been his chosen name for a long time! It's a name which Clare chose, and I am very happy with - and has the wonderful meaning, "gift from God". After the epic journey it has taken us to get here, I cannot think of a more appropriate name - he truly is a gift as well as a miracle.

Nathan is here!

2010-09-25T22:56:00.000+01:00

Very brief update as the last week has kind of passed by in a whirl!

Nathan Routledge arrived safely on Wednesday 22nd September, 13 days late! 8lb 3oz, so a nice healthy weight. Clare was amazing - I am one proud husband and dad!

A longer post will follow, but right now I am just too tired! (But happy!!)

Prospective fatherhood

2010-09-18T21:07:00.000+01:00

Well, this is it! If nothing happens in the next 24 hours, Clare will be off to the hospital tomorrow afternoon to begin the induction process. In less than 48 hours, baby will be here, and we will be parents!

Of all the things that have happened in my life over 37 years, this is both the most exciting and the most daunting. Becoming parents is something we've longed for for so long, and now it is almost here, I am literally giddy with anticipation and a huge sense of responsibility. The awesomeness of what is about to happen is hitting us both - and, whilst we cannot wait to meet our little miracle, we're very aware that we are about to embark on a huge adventure which we feel pretty unprepared for! The antenatal classes have been great - but that was all theory - we're about to find out that babies don't follow any standard pattern!

Keep an eye open for pictures on the blog! They should be here in a few days!

Curacy!

2010-09-13T09:11:00.000+01:00

We're still waiting for this baby to decide that he/she wants to leave the comfort of the womb, so in the meantime, how about some curacy news?

The news is that we know where we will be going next year! It has been announced in the parish, so I am now free to tell people: I will be curate in the Ebbsfleet Team Ministry, which is the parishes of Northfleet & Rosherville.

Clare & I went to visit a few weeks ago, and met the Team Rector and a few people from the churches and community. Lawrence (the Rector) seems like he will be a great colleague to work with, and the community, whilst fairly needy in places, has a good feel to it. The day we visited was a fun day organised by and for a particular street, with the church being involved, and there was a great atmosphere about the place. Everyone we met was enthusiastic about the possibility of us going there, which was nice and affirming! We will be making another visit at some point this autumn.

With everything else happening, it is really good to know where we will be going next year. There are details to be sorted out, of course, but it leaves me free to focus on the new college year, as well as being a dad, without having to take lots of trips back to Rochester Diocese.

There's only a few of us who are leaving next year who have our curacies sorted, so please pray for everyone who is still looking, especially those who are being released by their sending Dioceses.

The waiting time

2010-09-07T21:53:00.003+01:00

The last few days have been kind of strange. I feel very much in an 'in-between' time.

With all the work done, including tweaking the essays after tutor comments, I now feel as ready as I'll ever be for baby's arrival. But baby isn't here yet! And, with Clare showing no signs of going into labour whatsoever, I'll be surprised if baby does make an appearance on the due date (Thursday).

So it's a time of waiting. A time for patience. And a time to enjoy being a couple while we have the chance!

Work done, baby imminent!

2010-09-03T15:57:00.002+01:00

Phew! Time to end the silence of the last few months, as today I finished my second Long Essay, just in time for baby's arrival!

The last few weeks have been pretty much full of activity either baby or essay related! We've been getting the nursery ready and going to antenatal classes, as well as the regular trips to see the midwife and consultant. Clare is now less than a week from her due date (9th September), and looking very good! At the last midwife appointment (Tuesday), we found out that baby was 3/5 engaged, so things really could happen at any moment!

As I mentioned above, both Long Essays are done. They will need a little tweaking, once the tutors have cast their eye over them, but I feel good enough about them that I could hand them in as they are, if necessary. As with the exams, I'm not expecting to get a First for either of them; as long as they are good enough to pass, that's the important thing. More importantly, the reading and writing of them has where the real learning has been for me.

There are 3 weeks until term begins now, so, assuming baby arrives on time, we will have a couple of weeks together before I get back into college life. It's kind of weird being a 2nd year, meeting all the new arrivals, but fun too!

Update for the last two months

2010-07-12T18:44:00.003+01:00

So, the last time I got round to updating this, I was talking about the exams I was sitting. That seems a long time ago! The results came out recently, and I was very pleased to achieve what I hoped for - a pair of 2:1 results. (Actual scores were 66% in OT and 68% in NT).

Since the exams, there have been lots of other things happening, as you'd expect! Rest of term was a mixture of Themed Study Weeks (one on Death, Dying & Bereavement and one on Communication), as well as a number of one-off days on various other topics, including race awareness and healing/the paranormal. Alongside that, I have been working on my long essays, which I want to have done by the end of August.

Not much time for them at the moment, though, as I have been on placement for the last three weeks. I am at Dorchester Abbey, just down the road from Cuddesdon, and I asked to go there to get experience of what it is like in a team ministry. Dorchester is one parish within a benefice of many (mostly village communities), with a team of 3 stipendiary clergy, 2 curates and many other licensed ministers (some clergy, some lay). It has been a fascinating experience of seeing how a multi-parish benefice works - now I just have to write it up!

And one other thing has happened - we've moved! Although we have really enjoyed being in the cottage, it simply wasn't big enough for the imminent arrival of baby Routledge (less than 2 months to go!) So we are now in one of the 2-bedroom flats on-site - which feels very spacious after the cosiness of the cottage!

NT Exam

2010-05-04T16:03:00.003+01:00

With this morning's effort out of the way, the exams are over, so I can concentrate on getting the other essays done, as well as continuing to be formed for the priesthood!

Today's exam was much the same as yesterday in format, although it did include some Greek translation, which went fine, thankfully! Essay topics were the christology of Matthew's Gospel and the contribution that the social sciences make to interpreting 1 Corinthians. Both fascinating subjects!

No more work today - need a bit of a rest after all the revision, so it was nice to head to the pub for lunch with fellow ordinands! Also looking forward to the Eucharist this evening.

OT Exam today

2010-05-03T14:20:00.003+01:00

I had the first of my two exams this morning: 3 hours on the Old Testament.

Went reasonably well, I think, but am so glad I did the mock last week! It helped me to get my timings right, so I was able to pace myself pretty much perfectly, with 5 minutes at the end to go back and finish an earlier question!

There were 4 'gobbets' in the exam (short passages of scripture which have to be commented on - with regards to history, literary and theological insights). I did the two from Genesis and two from Second Isaiah.

The two essays were interesting - not quite as expected, but fairly easy to adapt the mock essays to. One was on whether or not it is adequate to describe Genesis 1-11 as "monotheistic myth", in its Ancient Near East context - an opportunity to talk about things like the Creation and Flood narratives in comparison with those in (for example) the Mesopotamian narratives of Atrahasis & Gilgamesh.
The other essay was about the 'servant' figure in Second Isaiah (chapters 40-55), and whether or not the fact that he is 'anonymous' is significant.

As I say, it went fairly well on the whole - I'm sure I've passed, at any rate, which is all I need to do.

Time now to replace the OT theology with NT, ready for exam 2 tomorrow morning!

Exam time!

2010-04-28T21:48:00.002+01:00

So the new term has started, we're 3 days into it, and the holiday revision is starting to bear fruit!

I have two exams next week - one in Old Testament, and one in New Testament, and to help us prepare for it, college has put on two optional mocks this week. I've taken them both, mainly to make sure I get my timings right. I spent a bit too much time on the first half of the OT mock, but managed to correct it on the NT paper, and even got all the Greek translation done!

So there are a few more days to go over anything which needs consolidating...this time next week, exams are over, and the long essays can begin!

End of term!

2010-03-20T07:58:00.004Z

So we've come to the end of Hilary Term - one third of the way through my training already! This has been a ridiculously busy term, with lots of essays, supporting pieces, formational stuff and more! Some of the highlights:

Worship

Working with members of my College Group to put together a Creative Eucharist was an excellent experience. We had some differences of opinion during the process - inevitable when the group is full of leaders - but it was a valuable learning experience and resulted in a service which flowed very smoothly and enabled a lot of people to meet with God.

Another highlight happened two days later, when a member of our group (not me!) performed some highly entertaining tricks with a thurible during the service commemorating Edward King, a principal of Cuddesdon over 100 years ago.

Placements

Both placements this term have been good, especially the opportunity to preach at St. Barnabas. I will also be acolyting there on Easter Sunday, which will be exciting! The Steppin Stone placement is nearly at an end - one Thursday to go - and I will be sorry to finish there. It has been so important in keeping my training grounded in the realities of ministry.

Studies

Best course of the term has been Reformation - a huge gap in my knowledge up until now, but not any more! I have two supporting pieces to do on this over the holiday - have already started the first one, on the reason Erasmus & Luther disagreed over free will. Fascinating stuff!

College Life

I am officially part of the new Kids Church Leadership Team - a colleague and I led the last one of term Wednesday just gone. It is nice to be back involved with this!

I am also continuing as Assistant Social Club Treasurer for the next year - the guy who gets to tell everyone how much they've been spending at the bar!

Easter Holidays

We're going to be back and forth over the holidays, with me having the two essays to write, as well as revision for exams (first week in May). But there is a wedding at St. Mark's to look forward to, as well as experiencing how St. Barnabas 'do Holy Week'. And we will be visiting family at various times as well. Then it will be back for a new term, and getting ready to say goodbye to those who will be leaving college in June - which will signal one year left for us here!

Church Army news

2010-03-18T20:12:00.003Z

Some big news from this term is that I have written to Church Army to resign my commission as a CA Evangelist.

This is a decision that has taken much thought and prayer in reaching. The seeds were sown in the first week of training here at Cuddesdon, when I distinctly felt God challenge me over the fact that I had basically not put any thought into the matter whatsoever. (That was because there is no requirement to resign until ordination itself, which, of course, was 2 years away at that stage).

I therefore spent a lot of time reflecting on that, as well as speaking with my spiritual director, another CA person here at college, and one or two other people, before reaching my decision.

There were a number of reasons why I came to the decision to resign, the most important of which is to do with my formation as an ordained priest. I felt that, the longer I remained a commissioned CA Officer, the more it was getting in the way of my formation as a priest. God, after all, is calling me away from licensed lay ministry into ordained ministry.

This is not a case of one being better than the other, simply of there being a distinct difference. I am also not going to stop being an evangelist! Again, it is a calling to something different, of which evangelism is a part. The 12 years with Church Army have been immensely valuable, both in terms of God preparing me for this stage of my life, and, I hope, in being of some use during that time to others!

It was a very strange feeling both writing the letter, and then posting it. There was most definitely a sense of sorrow, but also a sense of release, if that makes sense, in that I am no longer holding onto something which God is calling me to let go of.

Making this decision has given me this period of Lent to reflect upon it and let go, with the promise of Easter and 'new birth' to look forward to!

Preaching tomorrow!

2010-02-27T17:59:00.002Z

So I'm preaching at my placement church tomorrow (St. Barnabas) - the first time I will have preached since we moved last August. We don't have to preach in our first year, but I didn't want to go a whole year without having preached, so I'm grateful for the opportunity.

It's an interesting sermon to have prepared, because St. Barnabas use the Roman lectionary, rather than Common Worship, which means that tomorrow's Gospel reading is Luke's version of the Transfiguration. (In Common Worship, it comes just before Lent). So it's been interestign seeing why the Roman lectionary has it during Lent.

Basically, it's because, during Lent, Christians are called to participate in "the Paschal Transfiguration of Christ". Now, this phrase is a new one on me, so I had to do some research to find out what it meant! And I found this from a sermon by Fr. Jan Rokosz (a Polish Roman Catholic priest):

A paschal transfiguration occurs in the life of a Christian immersed in Christ. It awakens life in places where there is death, power – where there is weakness, joy – where there is suffering, forgiveness – where there is abuse, good – where there is evil, love – where there is hatred, and resurrection – where there is the cross. And all this happens, thanks to the love, power, and wisdom of God, which are continuously revealed to us through Christ, in the Holy Spirit, in the Community of the Church and for her strengthening, and ultimately – for our everlasting good.

I think that says it all! And so I am incorporating that quote into the sermon tomorrow!

The Eucharist

2010-02-05T19:58:00.003Z

Interesting experience this week, during Creative Worship (which happens every Monday evening, led by one of the College Groups).

During the worship, the Reserved Sacrament was placed on the altar in church, as a symbol of Christ's presentation at the temple, and some members of the college community knelt before it.

Now, I have no problem with people doing that if it is part of their spirituality - it's not mine, but God has made us to be different, and that includes how we connect with him in worship. It's one of the great things about the Anglican Church - its breadth - and one of the reasons I chose Cuddesdon to train at.

The interesting thing for me is that it has challenged me to think about what happens at the Eucharist, when the bread and wine is consecrated. I don't believe that the bread and wine literally become Christ's Body & Blood, but I find it difficult to articulate what I do actually believe happens. I believe that I am meeting with God in some way, taking part in an 'active memorial' of the Last Supper, but I struggle to say any more than that, really.

In a way, it doesn't matter too much, except that it is likely that future parishioners will want to talk about this with me, so it is something that I do need to reflect on over my time here. The good thing is that there will be plenty of opportunity to do so, what with learning about the Reformation this term (in which the nature of the Eucharist is a significant feature), and a whole week on the Sacraments in December of this year.

God continues to challenge!

Faith and Work

2010-01-13T14:14:00.003Z

Despite the relentless snowy weather - which is making it very difficult to get in and out of Cuddesdon - the new term is underway with a Themed Study Week. Unlike the week which ended last term, this week has a variety of options for us to choose from; I am doing a week on Faith & Work.

I asked to do this because there are so many aspects to this course which are relevant to future parish ministry. Surveys are regularly conducted which show that many Christians struggle to make connections between their faith and daily life, and received little help from their local church in this area. And yet, for those in our congregations who do work, they will on the whole be spending more waking time at work than at home in a typical week. And so I believe that this has to be a key area in which the parish priest supports the congregation in his or her care. There are also, of course, issues around unemployment, retirement, etc.

So far this week, we have had some introductory thoughts, followed by a trip to one of the big Investment Banks in Canary Wharf yesterday. We met a number of key personnel - some of whom are Christians and some of whom are not - along with the Chaplain to Canary Wharf. It was a very interesting day, particularly in understanding more about the banking industry, the pressures that people who work in that atmosphere have to deal with, and in visiting the homogeneous, impersonal trading floor.

Then today we have been doing some theological reflection on our time there. Still to come, we will be looking at how Christian Theology of Work has developed over the years, and then thinking about specific ways in which pastors can support Christians at work.

It would have been nice to visit somewhere very different as well - banking, of course, is very different to healthcare, which is different to education, which is different to manufacturing, etc - but this week has been excellent so far. And it has been a great way to kick off the new term, before going back into the normal timetable next week.

A Public Thank You

2009-12-16T21:53:00.002Z

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to the very kind person - you know who you are - for the gift we received today. It is a real blessing (especially at a time when the budget is very stretched, and the next grant won't arrive for three more weeks), and we do appreciate your generosity. God bless you :)

Meditation for 2nd December, 2009

2009-12-02T14:39:00.002Z

As promised, here is the copy of the meditation from this morning. For reference, the New Testament reading at Morning Prayer was Matthew 12:38-end.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Who is my mother and my sister and my brother?

The other week, Clare & I went to see the film 2012. It’s one of these movies where you leave your brain at the door, and just go to enjoy the special effects, which, it has to be said, are very impressive. The plot of the film is literally the end of the world – as one character says, “those guys with the placards – they were right all along!”

Actually, I do find it hard to leave my brain at the door, because, having become interested in theology as it may be expressed through film many years ago, I find myself automatically looking for what films may be saying about God, Christ, the human condition or any other theological subject one can think of. There are several such themes in 2012, an obvious example being the naming of the huge boats that have been built to withstand the huge tidal waves which are expected to accompany the forthcoming destruction, and which will house enough people to ensure the survival of humanity to begin a new life after the apocalypse. You will probably not be surprised to hear that they are known as the Arks!

A particularly poignant scene occurs towards the end of the film, shortly before the tidal waves reach the Arks. Most people on an Ark are there either because they are “important people”, or because they are rich enough to have been able to buy themselves a place. But, despite their being room for at least twice the number who are actually on board, those in command have left no places available for the thousands of ordinary men and women who actually worked to build the Arks. Salvation, it seems, is not available to the poor or lowly...

And so to this poignant scene. Try to imagine it. As the tidal waves draw ever closer, crowds of people gather at the entrances to the Arks, pleading for the doors to be opened for them. The commander refuses to open the doors, saying that there is no time, and to do so would ensure the extinction of the human race. Only one person is brave enough to speak out, asking what is being said about their humanity, if they begin their new life by abandoning those who could yet be saved. To liberate or not to liberate...that is the question...

This dilemma is pre-figured in an earlier scene, when the central character pleads to a young Nepalese to include his family in an escape plan. The Nepalese is reluctant, until his grandmother reminds him that they are all part of the same family – the family of humanity.

I wonder how that grandmother would respond to the question Jesus asked in our New Testament reading this morning. Who is my mother and my sister and my brother?
We could take Jesus’ words and say that he is rejecting his earthly family...or we could say that he is enlarging his heavenly family. “Whoever does the will of my Father”, he says, “Is my mother and my sister and my brother.” I wonder what that implies about the grandmother who showed compassion towards those of a different race and language and faith...

There is an old African-American spiritual song, called “Lord, I want to be a Christian”. It includes words such as, ‘Lord I want to be more loving in my heart. Lord I want to be more holy in my heart. Lord, I want to be like Jesus in my heart.’ In the Southern States in the 18th century black American slaves would sing of and to the liberating God, present with them through the Holy Spirit in the midst of the appalling indignity and injustice of their captivity. In the face of the most inhumane treatment, they sang songs of grace, holding onto their humanity, desiring to become more like Jesus Christ, and to do the will of their Father in Heaven.

They were, as we are, part of Christ’s family.

One aspect of Advent Season is our preparation to celebrate afresh the Word Incarnate, love Incarnate, come to earth in great humility, not, as in 2012, to save only a chosen few, but to liberate all – poor and rich, powerless and powerful, weak and strong, the whole of humanity, desiring each and every one to become a part of his family.

As we prepare to celebrate the Incarnation, we reflect on what it means to be in the family of Christ. We work as the mothers and sisters and brothers of Jesus to grow the Kingdom here on earth, to do the Father’s will, to follow Christ’s example, to remember that we are one family – one Body - because we all share in the one Bread. In the words of Matthew Henry, in his commentary on today’s Gospel passage, “let us look upon every Christian, in whatever condition of life, as the brother, sister, or mother of the Lord of glory; let us love, respect, and be kind to them, for his sake, and after his example.”

And, if I may be so bold as to add to his words, why not extend that attitude beyond the family of Christ, to every single member of the family of humanity?
Who is my mother and my sister and my brother? Who is not...

Pause for 3 minutes

Lord, I want to be more loving in my heart.
Lord, I want to be more holy in my heart.
Lord, I want to be more like Jesus in my heart.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

General Update

2009-12-01T20:13:00.003Z

Less than 2 weeks to go of this first term, and I have finished my final seminar essay of the term. I have written 8 of them this term - one a week - one on the Flood narrative, one on Deuteronomy, two on the Prophets (specifically Isaiah and Jeremiah) and four on First Corinthians. All have been fascinating studies, and there is so much more to learn about each! It's actually quite embarrassing how little I knew about some of these topics, particularly as I have prepared 10 sermons or so every year since Commissioning. Perhaps this is one difference between being a licensed lay evangelist and an ordained priest...?

First Corinthians has been especially interesting - if we think we have problems in our churches, it's all happened before! The church at Corinth was split into various factions, and had so many disagreements over things from celebrating the Lord's Supper to eating food that had been offered to idols; from the use of gifts of the Spirit in worship over the rights (or not) of visiting prostitutes! It's a reminder that Paul was first and foremost an apostle rather than a theologian - he wrote his letters to churches, most of whom had specific problems to deal with, and any theology, generally, unfolded in the addressing of these problems. A lesson, perhaps, for any of us tempted to take particular verses of his out of context to apply them to our twenty-first century situations...

Away from academia, my College Group is on Worship Duty this week. Yesterday, we planned a Creative Worship service - Waiting for Peace - which involved much candles, incense and waiting, with yours truly on sound duty. Those at St. Mark's who bore patiently with me when explaining how the sound desk worked should be very proud - your endurance paid off!

Tomorrow, I will be leading Morning Prayer, which, on Wednesdays, is always followed by a brief meditation. I have been wrestling with this one, as whilst preparing it, I distinctly felt God nudging me in a different direction. So I have a new meditation now - very different from the original - I hope and pray it will speak to people tomorrow. I will post it here at some point after the service - will be interested to hear any comments!

Finally, I have taken on a couple of roles in college. I am Assistant Treasurer for the Social Club (which basically means that I send out the bar bills from time to time) and the Deputy Returning Officer (later to take over from the existing RO, a role which involves running the election for positions such as the Common Room President). As I feel no desire or call to be President myself, I am quite happy to organise the elections for the post!

Steppin' Stone

2009-11-15T21:33:00.004Z

So much for writing at least once a week on the Blog! Ordination training really is incredibly tense!

Much as I love the theological study, it can get quite intense, so I'm very grateful for the two very different placements I have each week. I've mentioned before my Sunday placement at St. Barnabas; today I'll say a little about my midweek one.

Thursday evenings, I'm a volunteer at the Steppin' Stone project for homeless and vulnerably housed people. I won't go into all the details of it here - follow the link to find out more about what it does. My role is to work as part of a team, chatting with the members, serving food and washing up, and helping to clean up afterwards.

I've only had two weeks there so far, but I've already had a number of good conversations with people, and am learning a great deal about the issues facing homeless people today. It's also a valuable experience for me to be a volunteer - having spent the last 9 years working with volunteers, and, of course, moving into the same situation at the end of training! It's very useful to see what it's like from the other side of things! And, personally, it's very fulfilling, and it's helping to keep everything I'm doing at college grounded in the real world - something which could easily be forgotten in a community like RCC, as wonderful as it is!

1st Assistant at College Eucharist

2009-10-28T22:35:00.004Z

So it's been an afternoon full of firsts today!

This week, my College Group has responsibility for College Worship. That means we do pretty much everything, apart from presiding at any Eucharists. So this afternoon, the whole group cleaned the church, and then we rehearsed for the early evening Eucharist.

The rehearsal was absolutely vital, as I had volunteered to be 1st Assistant, without realising that, because it was a Festival (St. Simon and St. Jude), we would be using incense.

Now, the 1st Assistant has a pretty major role - they carry the cross, lead the time of confession, read the Gospel, lay the altar for communion, and say the dismissal. Now, none of that was particularly daunting before I knew that incense was involved, having done pretty much all of them at some point in the past. However...

Those of you who know about the use of incense are probably already ahead of the game in knowing what I'm about to say! Yes, when incense is used in a service, that means the Gospel is censed before it is read. So, as 1st Assistant, that was my job - having never even held a thurible before!

Hence the rehearsal! Of course, I had to be shown how to hold it, and how to swing it (my first attempt in the rehearsal, I was a little too close to the book...) I was VERY grateful to the other members of Group D for their patience and support! In the end, I think everything went off fairly well - I don't think there were any glaring errors, anyway - and it does feel good to have done something new in the worship of God. But next time it's our turn to lead the worship, I will let someone else have a go at being 1st Assistant!

Update: essays, swine flu and catching breath!

2009-10-23T15:26:00.002+01:00

The last two weeks have, frankly, been a whirlwind. There has been so much to get my head around that I only now have a half hour window to finally get onto the blog! So here's a whistle-stop update...

Essays

I think I have mentioned that I have to produce an essay a week, to be discussed in Monday afternoon seminars. They are alternating between Old & New Testament texts each week; so far, there have been essays on Paul's presentation of himself as a model to the Corinthian Christians, an analysis of the Genesis flood story in comparison with the other flood stories of the world at that time, a look at Paul's use of the word 'body' in 1 Corinthians, and, the current one, how (if at all) the book of Deuteronomy can be used in Christian thought.

It's all fascinating stuff, and it can be very easy to get sidetracked into a particular idea - I have to be very careful to stick to the question being asked!

Lectures

These tick along, with the addition that the Thursday morning Oxford University lectures have begun. We have three of them back to back (1 hour each): Old Testament, Patristics and Paul. It's a long morning, but again very interesting.

Placement

St. Barnabas Church has been very welcoming to us in the two weeks we have been there. It is a very different spirituality to anything I have seen before - and I have a fair amount of experience! - and there are lots of questions I would like to ask about the way things are done. To give one example: the Gospel isn't read - it's sung! I have never seen that done before, so am keen to find out what the theology and/or spirituality is behind that.

College Life

We are well settled now, and are getting used to the different rotas there are. Next week, my Group is on Worship Duty, so we lead services, read, assist at Eucharist, etc. I shall be wearing my cassock for the first time on Monday! I will also have a new experience at Wednesday Eucharist, when I will be Assistant 1 - this means that I lead Confession and read the Gospel (nothing new there), but also that I prepare the table - and this will be done from behind the altar (facing the congregation). Obviously, I have assisted as sacristan loads of times before...but never from that perspective. I have a feeling that it will feel very different!

Swine Flu

Last, but by no means least, this has been a very tough week, because poor Clare has caught the dreaded Swine Fle (as has half of college). She's close to recovery now, but was wiped out for the first few days. The Tamiflu brought her high temperature down straight away, thank goodness - it doesn't do that for everyone. Of course, it's meant a lot of dashing backwards and forwards for me, as I haven't wanted to leave her on her own too long. But, like I say, she's nearly back to full health, thank goodness!

That's a very quick update for now - I hope to have time to do another post over the weekend, but with this essay on Deuteronomy to finish, we may have to see about that one!

Lectures underway

2009-10-10T21:11:00.002+01:00

So much for the plan to post more regularly! Last week - the first full week of lectures - has been so busy that it's been hard just finding time to draw breath! Add to that a stinking cold which affected me for a few days, and it kind of feels like I've been treading water recently, just to stay afloat. But it seems to be on the mend now, so hopefully next week will be better!

As I'm on the Bachelor of Theology course, I have twelve lectures a week (all in the morning, and three of them in Oxford on Thursdays). Some of these are specific to the BTh, others are standard in this term for all 1st years, and one of them - Greek - is optional.

Afternoons are generally set aside for personal study, reading, essay writing, etc, although I do have a seminar on Monday afternoons, and a placement on Thursdays.

Speaking of placements, I have been given mine for the first two terms. I shouldn't talk about the Thursday one yet, as the person who will be my supervisor is away at the moment, but my Sunday one will be at St. Barnabas, Jericho (in the centre of Oxford). I don't know a lot about it yet, except that it is Anglo-Catholic - and that is what I had asked for, having little experience of it to date. Clare & I are going there tomorrow, with another 1st year, so I will report back on my first impressions afterwards!

Cuddesdon School of Theology and Ministry

2009-10-01T19:48:00.002+01:00

Some of you who know us may well be asking where Clare is in all of the busy-ness of induction week. Well, she's getting herself well involved in the life of the college community (the weekly Partners' Bible Study is tomorrow morning), and she's still looking for work (with no success yet - the remoteness of Cuddesdon and her non-driving severely narrows her options).

But we have been delighted to discover a fringe benefit of my training at Cuddesdon is that all partners are invited to join the new Cuddesdon School of Ministry & Theology. I won't go into the details here, as you can read more about it by following the link - but this is a fantastic opportunity for Clare to do some theological study of her own, and, as the course info says, to perhaps discover more about her own vocation - it's not just to be a vicar's wife!

The induction day for Clare is this Saturday, so do please keep her in your prayers as she joins with several other partners, and other external students, in this exciting new venture for her.

The still small voice...

2009-10-01T19:28:00.003+01:00

Induction has continued at a fast pace this week, with very little time to stop and draw breath. There have been lots more "introductions", and I have my first work to do in preparation for a New Testament seminar next Monday.

The essay title is: "Analyse the different ways in which Paul presents himself as a model in 1 Corinthians" - we don't have to do the essay this week, but we will for every subsequent week. With the lectures, placements and various community activities going on, balancing time is going to be very important!

In the midst of all this new information, however, we had a session with the principal that was much more of a "stop and take stock" time. And this is where I heard the still small voice of God.

As I've said, I've been hyped-up and excited about term finally starting, and wasn't feeling any fears or concerns that some of my peers have. But, after Martyn gave us a little reflection on the story of Jonah, he gave us space to go and be - whatever, wherever - and to come back if we wanted. During that space, I've felt God challenge me about a particular "letting go" that he may want me to do. I'm not certain yet, and I don't want to write any more about it this moment, but I have some serious reflection to do on this topic, so will no doubt be back with more news at a later date!

Formation & Theology

2009-09-28T21:46:00.003+01:00

It's been an intense day today, with a lot of input, handouts, and sitting around listening to people! I realise it's necessary this early, as it's pretty much the only way to give us a lot of information that we need to understand how things work, but I am looking forward to when things become a little more interactive!

This morning was a lot about the process of ministerial formation - basically, taking the nine Criteria for Selection that form the basis of the discerning process before being recommended for training, expanding them into various areas of development that should happen during training, and how to assess progress and growth in each area (which takes place largely through personal reflection, alone and with relevant others). This is of vital importance, as, with all the academic work that needs to be done, it can be easy to become so focused on the latter that the former is neglected. But, of course, I am not in training to achieve a degree from Oxford University - I am in training to become and ordained priest in the Church of England. The process of ministerial formation is crucial in keeping the focus where it needs to be.

That said, the academic side of it is important as well, and we heard about the structure of the Theology degree this afternoon. There are 16 of us doing the BTh (others in my year are doing different academic courses), which is the largest number for some time, I believe. We have various lectures to go to (including some in Oxford), and a weekly seminar (in groups of 8), for which we all need to prepare an essay. So yes, that means I will be writing an essay a week!

Finally today, we met with some of the 2nd years doing the same course to hear their perspectives on it, having had a year's experience. It's going to be hard work, no doubt, but they gave us some survival tips! I have to say, though, that I'm a little worried - not because I'm daunted by the prospect, but because I'm not daunted. Some of the other ordinands were expressing various feelings, and the 2nd years were saying they were not to worry - they'd all been there, and it was good to be feeling what they were feeling.

The things is: I'm not feeling that at all - I'm just excited at the prospect of being here, studing theology, drawing closer to God (and being changed through that), and the whole being prepared for ordained ministry! Maybe this is due to my having already had nine years of licensed ministry within the CofE, maybe not. And I know we can't (or shouldn't) pretend to be feeling things that we're not. Maybe the excitement will wear off or be replaced by other feelings soon enough.

But what I do think is important is this: while I feel excited and energised and close to God, I need to be supporting those of my peers who are feeling under pressure, scared, daunted or whatever else. This is part of what it means to be at a residential college - we are all going through the same process, and need to develop that interdependence that Paul speaks of in 1 Corinthians 12 (the church as the Body of Christ). I feel strong now, so can support those who feel weak; and when I feel weak (which will surely happen at some point in the next two years), then I will be able to look to others for support from their strength.

Induction underway!

2009-09-25T19:38:00.000+01:00

Today has seen the first full day of induction week, after term officially began last night with tea, followed by a Eucharist. The Eucharist was very moving; there was a real sense of the Holy Spirit's presence, bringing a sense of peace amongst us, as we felt the awesomeness of just what God has called us to!

We've had a chance to meet the staff, where I discovered yet another family connection - one of the staff members was at the same Oxford college as my sister, Sam, at the same time. There are a lot of these connections popping up in Cuddesdon!

We've also heard a bit about the history of the college, and been introduced to the way of the Common Room - including how the bar system operates! (Very important!) And then, this evening, we had an introduction to the liturgical settings used for Evening Prayer. Whoever leads Evening Prayer has to sing the opening line of each canticle solo - something I'm not looking forward to doing when it's my turn!

The weekend will be comparatively quiet - the College Principal (Martyn Percy) is hosting a drinks reception at his house for newcomers tomorrow, and then Sunday will see the first Eucharist of term at the Parish Church, All Saints. Then induction week continues with a vengeance on Monday...

Almost ready to start!

2009-09-21T17:44:00.000+01:00

We're nearly there! Term finally gets underway this Thursday - and I am definitely ready for it! We're well settled in, and have met lots of great people here as we have become part of the college community. For example, just this afternoon, there have been a good 30-40 ordinands and families picking the apples off the trees in the college orchard. These will then be taken to be made into apple juice, which the college then sells. While it was going on, Clare & I took a moment to look around the field at all the activity, and we both had this real warm feeling inside that was simply, "yes, this is where we're meant to be". It felt good!

It all kicks into gear on Thursday, as we begin Induction. There are lots of things going to be happening over the first week - we've got a programme - and a lot of it begins, "Introduction to..."! So we'll have an introduction to the Common Room; to Evening Prayer, to College, Training & Formation; to Biblical Studies; etc, etc! No doubt it will all become clear as each day goes along!

We start with a welcome Eucharist at the Parish Church on Thursday afternoon, followed by supper and a chance to get to know people (many of the single ordinands don't arrive until Thursday, so it will be an especially big day for them, meeting so many new people). Friday morning begins with the first 7.30am Morning Prayer - what is a daily event, so no more lie-ins for me after that (except Saturdays!) And then we go into the first of the many "Introductions".

Now that things are kicking off, I will be much more regular with my blog entries. If there's ever anything which prompts a question in your mind, do use the "comments" section, or send me an e-mail if you have my address. Thanks for all the prayers up until now - please don't stop as college starts; I have a feeling they will be needed more than ever!

Morning Prayer

2009-09-03T16:28:00.001+01:00

I knew before coming to Cuddesdon that the Daily Offices (both Morning and Evening Prayer) play an important part in the life of the college.

But it has been a pleasant surprise to find that a number of ordinands have kept Morning Prayer going through the holiday period. It is held at 9am (rather than the 7.30am it will be when term starts), and is in the parish church, rather than the college chapel.

I have been going every morning since finding out about it, and have also led it a couple of times. We use the Common Worship form of Morning Prayer, which, of course, is what is used by the staff team at St. Mark's Biggin Hill. So I am very familiar with it!

But it has been a real blessing to me, both in meeting with God during this "waiting time" (until term starts), and in feeling like I am becoming part of the college community. There's something about corporate prayer - especially with fellow ordinands - that is missing in my own personal quiet times. So praise God for this opportunity to pray regularly with others!

Settling in at Cuddesdon

2009-08-21T16:08:00.001+01:00

It's just over a week since we moved in, and we finally have Internet access again! It took a little longer than expected to get back online, and it's made me realise how dependent we can become on it if we're not careful...

The move went as well as can be expected, although we had a lot of fun trying to get furniture up the very narrow stairs! A number of items had to be taken apart and reassembled...and the bed didn't make it at all! That is now being stored in the college loft (covered with a plastic sheet, as there are a number of resident bats there!) and we are using my brother's spare bed, which comes completely apart, so could make it up the stairs!

We're mostly sorted here now, and it definitely feels like home, even with it being so much smaller than our last home in Biggin Hill. Give it a few more days, and we should be in a fit condition to receive visitors!!

There aren't that many people around the college at the moment. Last year's 1st-year students are mostly on placement or holiday, but we have met a number of them, as well as a few other early arrivals in my year (including one person who was at my old church youth group at the same time I was - what a small world it is!) One nice thing about Cuddesdon is that there are 3 summer socials a week, which has helped us get to know people - there was a BBQ two days after we moved in, for example. We also have morning prayer at 9am during the week, which I've been going to - it's a good discipline to get into before term starts (although it will be a little earlier than 9am then!)

We hope to have a few days away at some point before term starts, but no definite plans yet. Another advantage of having online access back - so much easier to check out what possibilities there are for cheap short breaks!

Finally, thanks to everyone who has sent us a "New Home" card - they are all on display, and are a great reminder of the fact that so many people are thinking about and praying for us.

Update on the move!

2009-08-05T12:15:00.001+01:00

Apologies for so little activity over the last couple of weeks. The move is now less than a week away, and we are up to our eyes in sorting, packing, trips to the recycling place, etc. On Monday of this week, we sent several pieces of furniture that won't fit into the new place to Give2Give, and then yesterday, some more went to my parents, who will be looking after it for the next couple of years. We hope that everything that is left will fit when we get to Cuddesdon!

Anyway, the move is happening on Tuesday of next week, so this will probably be the last post before then. Hopefully there will be a lot more time to blog after the move is all completed!

New feed added

2009-07-25T22:17:00.000+01:00

If you look at the sidebar on the right, below the "Followers" section, I've added the RSS feed from the Church of England website.

This will regularly update with the latest five news items from the C of E. Hope you find them interesting!

New Robes!

2009-07-23T19:24:00.000+01:00

One of the things about Ripon College that took me by surprise when I went to visit on the Open Day is that ordinands need to have certain robes before they arrive. But after reflection, it seems to make sense:

At Cuddesdon, wearing robes is a part of the Ministerial Formation - the "becoming" a priest. There are many reasons why priests wear robes (and why some choose not to!), and no doubt I will get to learn more about this during training. But some reasons are:

It's a sign of the priest's calling
It is a hiding of the self, in that the priest becomes anonymous in a sense, as worship is directed towards God.
Similarly, a priest's choice of clothing may end up being a distraction to worship; wearing robes prevents this from happening (unless the robes are particularly garish!)
There is one strand of tradition that saw the wearing of robes as a mark of humility.

During my training, I will be getting used to wearing robes, and, thanks to the generosity of the parishioners of St. Mark's, Biggin Hill (where I worked for five and a half years up until March 2009), my first robes have been ordered and arrived today!

For college, I need a cassock, a surplice and a cassock-alb. They may not mean much to you, so if you click on the words, the links will take you to where you can learn more about them! But in the meantime, I have my first robes, and I would like to publicly thank St. Mark's Church for the gift they gave which enabled me to purchase them.

New links added

2009-07-16T09:49:00.000+01:00

So I've added some links to the sidebar to the right of the blog today.

I've split them into two categories - Christian websites and other favourites of mine which aren't necessarily anything to do with faith whatsoever! No doubt I will add more to them as time goes on, but for now there's half a dozen or so Christian sites and a few to do with two of my great passions - baseball and Newcastle United Football Club!

Why Cuddesdon?

2009-07-13T19:26:00.000+01:00

The Church of England has a dozen or so theological colleges around the country, so why have we chosen Cuddesdon to spend the next two years at?

Our decision has certainly surprised some people, who expected us to go to one of the more evangelical ones - maybe because that's what they think my tradition is (I don't tend to put myself in a box like that) or maybe because they've confused being an evangelist (which I am) with being from the evangelical tradition. If the latter, then they may be surprised to know that one of my colleagues at Church Army training is very much from the catholic tradition - but that doesn't make him any less of an evangelist!

Coming back to Cuddesdon, here's some of what is posted on the college website:

Our strength comes from the acceptance of diversity and we have students from across the breadth of church traditions. This gives us a unique role in encouraging open dialogue and producing future church leaders who can work within their own traditions and also mediate between them at all levels – locally, nationally and internationally.

Within that short statement are some of the reasons why Cuddesdon is the college for us:

Students from across the breadth of church traditions. When looking at colleges, I had absolutely no desire to go somewhere where everyone is from a similar tradition and/or perspective. If we don't open ourselves up to different views and opinions of our own, not only do we miss the chance to be challenged in our beliefs, and grow through the experience, but we also run the very real danger of becoming narrow-minded and lacking in openness to hear the stories of others. Which, for a minister of the Church, cannot possibly be healthy. At Cuddesdon, there will be people from very different backgrounds to myself, and I will enjoy hearing their stories, learning from them, and being challenged in some of my own opinions.
Encouraging open dialogue. Very much linked with the first point, and hugely important at this time where the Anglican Church is facing various disagreements (to use a mild word) over certain issues. If the current situation is going to be resolved in a way which unites the church - remember, Jesus prayed that we may be one as He and the Father are one - then open dialogue is the way that it will happen.

So there are two reasons why we chose Cuddesdon. Others include:

Excellent theological teaching that will challenge and stretch me.
Excellent support for partners, so Clare can be as much a part of the community as she wants to be.
The ethos of the college - "a place where generosity and hospitality is practiced in the context of prayer and reflection". This was certainly something I experienced when I went on interview, when everyone I met expressed genuine welcome and a hope that I would choose Cuddesdon as the place to train.

Finally, there is what the principal said in his address at an Open Day last year. He said that "Cuddesdon is a place of awe, wonder and exploration, not of conformity". That phrase has stuck with me ever since - what a wonderful vision! Awe, wonder, exploration - does that not describe the Christian journey? It does mine!

Welcome to the Captain's (B)log!

2009-07-07T21:30:00.001+01:00

Greetings to all, and welcome to my new Blog!

I'm setting this up to be a record of my journey as an ordinand which starts in 2 months time, at Ripon College, Cuddesdon (near Oxford). Having spent 9 years as a Church Army Officer, I will be moving to Cuddesdon for two years, to train for the ordained ministry within the Church of England.

During my training, I will be posting regular updates on all aspects of life at college, from the theology and lectures, to the fellowship and community, to the practical placements.

From time to time, I will also post my thoughts about various issues at large in the Church and the world.

Don't expect too much in the next few weeks, as I will be very busy finishing my work for Keston Parish Church in the Diocese of Rochester and preparing for the move to Cuddesdon. But once there, I intend to update the Blog at least once a week, and hopefully a lot more often! But we will have to see how much time I have - I expect life to be very busy when term starts!